i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
