I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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