It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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