wanna go halves on a baby?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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