he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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