Dual....:-)
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
