the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
