i jhust puked up my retainher.
Quick, to the slutcave!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
