you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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