how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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