dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Shame - the story of my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
