eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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