This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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