she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
