the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
