I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
