I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
