Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
