my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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