Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
pop tarts are not kleenex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
