I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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