Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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