I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
