speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
