it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
