I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
