what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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