im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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