I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
