Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
