didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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