i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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