I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
soo... how was my night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
