I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
