I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think my moral compass just broke
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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