I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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