does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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