so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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