Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
