I bet he comes in French.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
