Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
