so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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