You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
