craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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