Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My cat gives me a boner
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
