you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize