the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
