we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
