It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
