I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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