She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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