the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
