i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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