I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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