dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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