hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize