I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its about making memories worth repressing
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
