They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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