You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
