and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
