Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
