Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
