Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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