So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
