My room smells like vodka and shame
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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