Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
