I am puke
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
MIDGETS
????
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
