Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My ATM looks so different sober.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
