She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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