i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
