Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
