I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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