i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Mom said you looked used
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize