Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
