Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
