Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
