i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
