The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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