I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
