can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
