atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
